daily thoughts Uncategorized

March 2nd

March 2nd rant about her emotions. Trying to figure it out through writing.

Let’s get real ..

Do you ever feel insecure?

Out of place?

Unwanted?

Well, same.

Truthfully, ever since having a baby I just haven’t felt like myself. Maybe it’s partially due to PPD but, I don’t feel sexy anymore. I don’t fit in my size 6 jeans anymore. My butt, thighs, boobs, and tummy got bigger. I hate it so much. I feel insecure in anything other than sweats or leggings and a baggy shirt. It’s just my comfort zone at the moment. I feel like no one gets that.
I feel more insecure in my relationship than I’ve ever felt. I don’t have a reason but I feel constantly paranoid. I guess not constantly but close enough. I feel the constant need to obsess over the littlest things.. but how many more questions can I ask? Until my brain is satisified? Or until he’s fed up? I must look fucking crazy and believe me I’m sure I am. In truth, I hope he doesn’t read my blog posts because then that would be even worse no? The problem I have is the fact I can not open up. I speak in my head my thoughts as ridiculous as that may seem but that’s how it works for me. I close up without wanting to and converse with you in my mind because that is where I feel the safest. I can mess up and take it back and you won’t even know. Unfortunately, that’s my problem. I constantly close up and space out and don’t respond. I really want to but unfortunately I can not help it, it’s as if my anxiety and nervousness takes over me and doesn’t let me respond. It saves me from myself, I like to assume.

If you are wondering I am NOT depressed. I love my life especially even more now that I have my beautiful baby girl Zoey. I just feel depressed sometimes. Sometimes I let the ugly green monster come out and make me feel insecure. This is just how I feel right now. I have good days, I have bad days.
No matter how insecure or depressed I get I ALWAYS REMEMBER to:
Choose Love , Choose to Live , Always

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